Emma's Dilemmas: "I've put on so much weight I don't feel like myself any more"

"Since I have become perimenopausal, I have gained three stone in what feels like a matter of months! My diet or exercise pattern hasn’t changed, but my body shape is now completely different and I really really hate undressing in front of my partner now. All my weight is around my tummy, I feel bloated and no longer feminine or attractive at all. 

Is there any advice you can give as to how to reverse this? I know you talk about it a lot on your page on Facebook, but I would really like some help." - Anon

Hello Anon,

You have NO idea how often I receive messages about this very subject. It is something that nearly ALWAYS happens, but many don’t talk about - we just buy bigger jeans and are suddenly into floaty tops to hide our new found muffin tops! The problem isn’t changing shape, or putting on a little more timber, that is life (they say you gain a stone a decade as a rule in life!) but it’s the way it makes you feel. And more often than not, it doesn’t make you feel great.

 So, what do we do when we feel a bit low about ourselves? We comfort eat and watch Netflix! And guess what happens then? The weight goes up and we are a self-fulfilling prophecy. Then we do possibly the worst thing we CAN do, we decide that we are going to do something about this, and we hit the exact same diet that used to work miracles for us in our 20’s and 30’s! Genius! 

Sadly, not. You see, what happens next is that we actually gain another stone, just NOT in a decade, far quicker. How do I know this? Because this was me 6 months before my wedding to my second husband. I was three stone overweight and by my wedding day, having attempted my usual diet, I had become the fastest inflating woman and had gained another stone. I was absolutely heartbroken.

(Here’s a confession: I left my own wedding 3 hours before my new husband did because some ‘delightful’, inebriated member of my family grabbed my belly and shouted “you getting your money’s worth here mate!”. Everyone laughed - including me, but I then promptly left and cried my eyes out when I got home.)

 Expert advice was needed and so I went to see an amazing menopause specialist who gave me every blood test in the book. The most fascinating one was the fasting blood test which basically tests for insulin resistance and type 2 diabetes. I was at the foot of the diabetes mountain and she explained why.

I was eating ALL the wrong foods and at all the wrong times. Sugar and all foods that TURN INTO sugar are to be reduced as much as possible. She showed me something called the “Glucose Index”. This was my new food bible. I was to eat as much of the low Glucose Index foods in my “eating time”, eat a moderate amount of the medium GI foods and avoid as often as possible the foods high on the GI chart.

For example; floury potatoes, pasta that is well cooked, rice and white bread were to be avoided at all costs. These were replaced with root veg, high protein pastas, couscous and sourdough bread - these don’t stimulate the pancreas to produce insulin, which floods your system. Your body, as it is mid menopause, will simply not use it. Now what insulin does, when not used, is to promote fat cells to form and guess where? Your midriff!  

She also suggested intermittent fasting which has worked absolute wonders for me – it takes a while to get used to, but your body soon adjusts and since I have exchanged spaghetti bolognese at 7pm with a sandwich at lunchtime, and perhaps a piece of toast for breakfast, for skipping breakfast (which means if you go to bed at 10pm and you next eat at approx. 11am you have fasted for 13 hours. A small snack of smoked salmon and scrambled or boiled eggs filled me up. I then try and eat at 2/3pm a decent meal of LOADS of green and colourful veg, lentils or avocado, or chickpeas etc and then not eat again that day. To start with it is not easy, but once your body gets used to it, you sleep better and with sleep you lose more weight and you wake up much less hungry.

If you only do this 4 days a week, I PROMISE you will start to lose weight and it will literally fall off you in about 6 weeks time – do NOT expect anything to start quickly, you are reprogramming your body to become a fat burning machine rather than a fat storing one. If you can walk your dog or just walk at a faster pace every day, get your heart rate up for half an hour a day that is perfect. And try and limit your drinking to twice a week (alcohol) then you will really really start the most sustainable diet/way of life I have ever found. I lost my 4 stone after my wedding and that was 9 years ago. I have wavered between 58 – 62 kilos, but never gone higher than 62kg. I am by NO stretch a skin-mini, but I am a good size 12 and I feel ok about doing out in all my old dresses and I am saving a fortune in new jeans! Sugar is your enemy I’m afraid. There are loads of sugar free biscuits and chocolates out there that you can eat in moderation to satisfy your sweet tooth.

The other thing I have found to help is taking Jude. As it contains phytoestrogens, it helps your bladder even when you are expelling a lot of water retention.  

This way of life has changed the way I see myself now and what I love, is that I can have a complete “break ALL the rules” holiday or weekend away and even though I might feel a bit bigger, a few days back into the rhythm and I lose all the weight again, because my body is being treated differently.

My final message is, be kind to yourself. Don’t just see this as a “weight loss” programme. This will make you feel healthier, give you more energy and is amazing for your skin and your general wellbeing.

 Good luck and please please keep me posted on your progress!

 Emma x

Send Emma your Dilemma!

Do you have a dilemma that Emma can help you with? Simply send them to her by emailing hello@wearejude.com, adding 'Emma's Dilemmas' in the subject header so we can get it to her directly.

While Emma can't help with any medical issues, she' is happily on hand to help provide advice with worries or questions you have about menopause, sex, relationships, marriage and so much more.