Talking menopause: a man's perspective

When we asked our community to name the members of their support network who had been there for them during menopause, 'partner' was the least selected option.

Although many men are aware of what their partners may be experiencing, they often show little knowledge of the symptoms.

Whatever you’re worrying about, we’re already talking about. There’s nothing you can say that will shock us. Take the next step and join our community. Leave all taboos at the door and come on in!   

Meet Jimmy and Angela

Every person's menopause – the leaks, sweats, memory slips, emotional fragility – is their own unique, messy, hormonal whirlwind.

Meet community member Angela and her husband Jimmy who came together to share both sides of the menopause journey.

My menopause kicked in hard at 46. I’d had a total hysterectomy following ovarian cancer. The after-effect was severe -- I felt frightened, panicky, and I couldn’t stop crying. We had recently made some new friends with whom we got on well, but I remember writing to them explaining that I’m not normally like this! 

After a year, life started to improve. I wasn’t crying as much, and I didn’t get as emotionally drained. I started to see things more positively, which helped me understand that for the last year I hadn’t really been ‘me’ at all. I started back at work part-time, which helped me get out of the house more.

People do tell you about the physical aspects, but not about the emotional stuff. If I’m describing it to young mums, I liken it to ‘third-day blues’, except that it lasts a whole year!

In addition to Jimmy, I talked to two female friends. And when I went back to work, I also talked to my boss. He was very kind and fatherly, giving me as much time as I needed to settle back in. He noticed that I’d gone from a bubbly, effervescent, in-control manager to someone who would unaccountably burst into tears. But he did lovely things like send taxis for me to get to meetings easily so that I was included and could stay in the loop. 

Medication was problematic. I couldn’t take HRT while I was having cancer treatment, but after a year of intense symptoms, I did take a multivitamin. 

Lifestyle changes made a huge difference. I started doing activities together with other women. When women have any issues ‘down below’, the NHS sends them to belly-dancing sessions to regain muscle control. I absolutely loved these classes – they helped me feel better and more confident, so I carried on with them. Talking to a broad spectrum of women from 20 to 90, with so many stories of their own, made me realise that I’m not alone – it’s a collective experience. And when it’s shared, it’s so much more manageable.

Now I let people in, colleagues and children alike, so that they see me as a fully rounded person in my own right. What I’ve learned about Jimmy is that I can rely on him, and he’ll never hurt me either physically or emotionally. No matter what I did or how badly I behaved, he never reacted negatively.

Angela's advice

Talking to a broad spectrum of women from 20 to 90, with so many stories of their own, made me realise that I’m not alone. It’s a collective experience. And when it’s shared, it’s so much more manageable.