Emma's Dilemmas: "I feel weighed down by menopausal anxiety"

"It’s hard to describe what I am feeling really – just that I have lost all my self-confidence and have gone from being a really extroverted person, with a full social life, to being weighed down with anxiety all the time and not wanting to go out with my friends or my family anymore.

People are starting to notice and are worried about me, but I can’t really put my finger on why this is happening so it’s hard to explain to them as well. Can you offer any advice?"

Sarah L, Devon

Dear Sarah

Oh sweetheart, this is something that comes up ALL the time on my blog and when I do menopause webinars for businesses. This is one of the more insidious, terrifying and confusing symptoms of mainly the peri-menopause but also the menopause.

When we hit the peri-menopause, which can start anytime from your late 30’s/early 40’s (sometimes earlier) our hormones start to do some really really strange things. They are bouncing all over the place and as a result of this, the symptoms can often mimic some pretty serious mental health conditions, for example depression and severe anxiety. As I have mentioned before in another “dilemma”, we often gain weight when we hit the peri-menopause which can lead to a lack of self esteem and self confidence. But THAT you can explain. Your disappearing lack of sense of self, heightened stress levels and withdrawing from life is almost inexplicable and comes upon you sometimes suddenly, sometimes slowly, but either way, when you realise that your emotions are changing and therefore, the way you are reacting to life, relationships and just day to day functioning is changing, it can be enormously frightening.

 One of the most frustrating parts of this is that the medical fraternity are sadly woefully unskilled and untrained in this area. They are often only working from guidelines and so the symptoms that you may take to them will be treated with anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medication. These may help a little, but they are not addressing the root cause of the problem.

It is at this stage that it is SO important that you ask to see the GP at your surgery that specialises in women’s health. I found out the other day that 80% of women who go through the menopause, do so without EVER having HRT.

The HRT that is prescribed these days is what we call “bio identical” which basically means that it is exactly the same as the oestrogen and progesterone that you would normally be producing in your body from puberty. It is safe and it is protective.

The only women that should not take HRT are those who have the BRCA gene or who have had an oestrogen driven cancer, but for the rest it is a godsend! Some fun facts – HRT protects women from heart disease, osteo-perosis, pancreatic cancer, early onset dementia amongst a whole other array of illnesses, but most of all it protects all the people that come into contact with us from an early, untimely and of course totally accidental death by a javelin through the head!

The tragedy of how the menopause is STILL being dealt with is a total lack of education and the stigma that it is “an old lady’s disease”! Far from it, it is the start of a new chapter, but we just need to understand what is happening to our bodies, our minds and most of all our personalities! I like to call it The Thursday of our lives – we have done the tough stuff, now we are on the cusp of the best bit.

So, in answer to your question – if you CAN take HRT, please do. Demand it from your GP! If you can’t, then definitely take Jude’s supplements that are packed with natural plant based oestrogen that goes without saying. Google other foods that can give you a boost in your oestrogen levels. I take a supplement called Meno-friend (along with my Jude) by Dr Vegan and that has helped me enormously – and I am still taking my HRT.

Be kind to yourself, remember your hormones are playing tricks on you and your symptoms are physiological and therefore can be treated. Also, remember that we are ever evolving, and maybe this is the “new you” emerging. Perhaps, it is time to re-evaluate your social life and the friends you hang out with? As you get a little older, less is often more and if you don’t feel like going out on an evening you had planned – there is NOTHING wrong with that! Pour yourself a glass of prosecco and enjoy an evening with your feet up and be YOU!

To recap: HRT, Jude, Oestrogen, anything with large doses of Ashwaganda in it, Gin, wine and a LOT of Prosecco – on bad days, all in the same glass! And remember you are NOT alone!

Oh and if you need a good laugh, read one of my mad books: Confessions of the Menopausal Mayhem Mother is the first one, it will make you feel more normal if nothing else!

Love, Emma

Send Emma your Dilemma!

Do you have a dilemma that Emma can help you with? Simply send them to her by emailing hello@wearejude.com, adding 'Emma's Dilemmas' in the subject header so we can get it to her directly.

While Emma can't help with any medical issues, she' is happily on hand to help provide advice with worries or questions you have about menopause, sex, relationships, marriage and so much more.